A Pause

It's been a week since the funeral and I was going to post about it today because it was really lovely and perfect, but I left the pictures at my mom's and so I think I will do it this weekend, instead.

I wanted to post instead about the countless blessings we have had during this time.

First of all, Kendall and I can't even really find the words to express how grateful we are for all of the donations to Gracie's account. Since we found out about her last year, up until her passing we have racked up literally thousands of dollars in debt. (Insurance? I say schminsurance. I swear it was with glee that the insurance company sent us our new statement for our new deductible this year.)
With just graduating from law school and trying to start up life again, we thought we were going to sink.

But I have tears in my eyes as I write that because of the generosity from family, friends, and sometimes complete strangers we will be able to cover much of our medical costs, the funeral costs (someone paid for it anonymously), and maybe even buy her a little headstone to replace the paper plaque we have now.

It is astounding and humbling to see how many people care and showed love for little Gracie.

It just leaves me speechless. Good thing I can still type.

Another aspect I wanted to write about is the amazing medical team at the hospital.

Our other hospital stays, while more routine because our babies were healthy, we have felt that we were mostly just tolerated by the nurses and hospital staff. When I would call for pills, or water, or whatever they would sound a little put out and often times I would have to call again after a while had passed.


With Gracie, it was a like a different planet. We delivered at the Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital in Flower Mound and let me tell the staff was amazing.

They put us in the biggest room they could muster and from that moment on we were more than taken care of. The director of labor and delivery, Nanette was amazing. She was like a mother to me. She loves photography and brought her camera and took over 200 pictures of the delivery and post delivery. I think she even assisted with the surgery in some way. I'm not sure how, but she was everywhere and everything all at once.

They kept us with the same nurses for my entire stay which was nice because I felt more stable that way. My day nurse, and night nurse were both named Jennifer, (which is so thoughtful that I didn't even have to think that hard to remember their names.;)  They did whatever I needed, anticipated whatever I did not and tried to help me smile through the hard times.

My night Jennifer knew that when I asked for grape juice I really meant a giant cup of ice with just a teeny bit of grape juice thrown on. She could always make me laugh.

My day Jennifer was just so intuitive and kind. My mom told me a story that at one point in time she was so overwhelmed that she snuck away into an empty room to cry. She said she was crying so quietly but all of a sudden, my day Jennifer popped in and said, "I heard someone crying and I've been searching and searching!"

She sat with my mom and hugged her and soothed her.

The entire labor and delivery nursing staff made this amazing scrap book with all of the pictures of Gracie they had. It's beautiful and I look at it all the time. They brought food to my family in the waiting room and extra chairs.

They brought an entire other bed into my room and put it right by mine, stuffing pillows and blankets in between so that Kendall and I and Gracie could lay together in her final moments on this Earth.

Gracie's nurse Tanya was so calm and good with Gracie. (Though Gracie didn't like her very much. She was so irritated that Tanya would take her away to change her back pad or give her a feeding. Geez Tanya.) And then, when Gracie started struggling she stayed. Her shift ended and she stayed all through the night with us.

I'm sure I've lost many of you by now, but I wanted to remember all of the little things that meant so much to me and my family. There are so many ways in which we have been bolstered up from meals, to cards, to flowers, to gifts, service, and helping with the funeral and we just can't say thank you enough.

For what we were facing and what we have gone through, it was the best possible way we could have done it. Love you all.