I haven't felt like there has been much to say lately. I had a little bit of a blue period which I wasn't entirely prepared for. I don't know, she passed and I was sad and it was a slap in the face but then I felt peace and closure and I thought, maybe I've survived this. Maybe I'm okay. And then I just sort of slipped. Partly me but mostly my husband and good friends kept me from slipping too deep.
I have one friend who for whatever reason is just acutely aware of me and my needs. (and lies).
a few weeks back I was supposed to be somewhere and I just told her I was tired/not feeling well/busy ALL at the same time so I wasn't going and she said, "me too. We should probably go to dinner and a movie instead."
And we did. And it pulled me back a little closer to the surface. And today I am good again. I guess that's how it will be. Ups and downs. I know people have told me that but for whatever reason I like to think I don't belong to THAT club. That's for OTHER people.
But maybe not.
But to the point....
Here is Gracie's place. Isn't it beautiful. In the spring Wildflowers are just EVERYWHERE. It is magical.
This is a headstone I really really wanted to replicate but we are finding it difficult to find a stone cutter that won't charge A LOT. We'll figure it out someday I guess.You can see Gracie's plot in the background with the pink flowers. I love this headstone because it is tiny and beautiful. At the bottom it says "Weep not papa and mama for me for I am in heaven waiting for thee" I love it.
This is her spot. In the background you can see a little bell. My boys call it her door bell and when we go visit we ring the bell to tell her we're here and then she comes to be with us. At first it was kind of just a special story to tell the boys but I don't know. I ring it when I am alone and I can tell you that I know I have felt her spirit very close. A bell for our Belle.
I plan on continuing to write on here for thoughts on Gracie and this experience but I think I am going to try to start writing on my old blog again. www.ejray.blogspot.com I have three crazy monkeys disguised as boys to think of after all.
Love, Emma
I think she is with you all the time, actually, but I'm glad you feel close to her at the ring of her special bell. She is lucky to have you as Momma. I have no words for your sadness, since I have not walked the same road, but I am grateful you have a friend that is walking with you, and I hope that your sunshine can return for good. Much love-
ReplyDeleteI love Gracie's bell.
ReplyDeleteAnd darn you for writing so well!
I always have to re-do my eye make-up after one of your sweet and gentle posts!
Grrr. :)
Her place is beautiful. I continue to pray for you and think of you often. Such a beautiful girl. There is a foundation that helps pay for children's headstones. Maybe you have heard of this foundation before, but I thought I would send you the information just in case. You and she deserve to have exactly what you want. http://www.hopesmilingbrightly.com/p/good-grief.html
ReplyDelete